I read this book about 10 years ago, not long after it came out.
Then I read this one:
And, let’s not forget the Parenting with Love and Logic Seminar that Mark and I went to when the three older kids were little.
All of these books/resources were good, and I recommend most of the concepts presented in them. They all advocate the idea that children are to be taught when and how it is appropriate to express their feelings.
Unfortunately, all the book reading in the world will not change the behavior of children. Consistent admonition and consequences for wrong behavior and modeling are what really makes a difference.
Lately, the whining at my house is driving me up the wall, and one would think we never practiced any of that. But the fact is, we did some of the time. Were we always consistent? No. Were we perfect role models, by no means. Did we always present consquences for wrong behavior in a proper way? No. But the fact is, our kids do behave well a lot of the time–especially when they are with other people. So I feel that the work that we did do is paying off some.
But, now I need some refresher courses in being consistent, in improving my own behavior and reactions to wrong behavior so that I can be a better example, and, what I believe is most important, coming up with consequences that appropriately match the offense. Basically, I am looking for a more peaceful household. It would be nice if I hadn’t read good books that had good advice so I could claim complete ignorance. But I did indeed read these and several other good books on the subject. So I am praying that all the good information floating around in my head will sink in again. I am also trying to pray for our family more. As the kids get older, I want peace not just for the here and now of our lives, but I want it for them as they enter adulthood and leave our home into the world.
The prayer of St. Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.