This cracked me up. An excerpt:

You ask me why we don’t celebrate Halloween, Timmy? Because we’re superstitious, reactionary, gullible, and we refuse to check things out for ourselves. Now, let me finish signing this petition so we can stop Madalyn Murray O’Hair from taking “Touched By an Angel” off the air. Why don’t you take your mind off the fact that your friends are out having fun by reading one of your Left Behind: The Kids books?

And since we’re approaching the season, it’s time to remind everyone that Christians are allowed to be sane if they want to be.

I’m ashamed to say that some of the most obvious things in the world simply never occured to me until I read Jordan’s piece. For example:

the jack-o’-lantern’s origins are unknown. Hollowing out a gourd or some other vegetable, carving a face, and putting a lamp inside it is something that no doubt has occured quite independently to tens of thousands of ordinary people in hundreds of cultures worldwide over the centuries. Since people lit their homes with candles, decorating the candles and the candle-holders was a routine part of life designed to make the home attractive or interesting. Potatoes, turnips, beets, and any number of other items were used.

In the words of the first (movie) Buffy Summers, “Does the word, ‘Duh,’ mean anything to you?” Why on earth would anyone think that a Jack’o’Lantern requres some special explanation? What else would people do with their time before light bulbs or the internet?