It’s been awhile since I posted. The last month has been rather eventful, much of it tinged with sadness, and here is why:
I never got around to posting our news in August that we were expecting our fourth child. I kept meaning to blog about our little one on the way, but between early pregnancy exhaustion and the busy beginning of the school year, I just never did. Despite feeling ever so tired, and then becoming almost constantly nauseous, I was delighted at the prospect of another baby in our house. I was thrilled when I began growing out of my regular clothing at only 6 weeks, and was happy for an excuse to get out those maternity clothes for yet a fourth time. We were so very excited about this little baby.
And then sadly, five weeks ago today we learned that our unborn babys heart had stopped beating. This news came as a complete shock since we had been delighted three weeks earlier to see a sonogram with a picture of what looked in all respects to be a beautifully healthy baby, complete with strong heartbeat. Based on that earlier sonogram we had shared our news with our children, who were overjoyed to know they were having another sibling, and with our family and friends.
Though we have experienced early miscarriages before, we were nonetheless unprepared to hear the news that this baby had died only a few weeks after his heart began beating. As we began the process of digesting this information, and figuring out how to deal with the shock, our family and friends surrounded us with compassion and caring and tons of help. Early the next week I had to go into the hospital for surgery, and again, so many people pitched in to help in different ways. We have felt immensely blessed with the outpouring of love and support from all of those who have helped with caring for our children, brought food and groceries, taken our places in various areas of school and church responsibility, prayed with and for us, given us hugs, and written us cards and letters. It helps us to know so many people care for us, and are willing to sorrow with us, and in turn, help us in the midst of that sorrow.
Just today we learned that our baby was in fact, a little boy, and that he was diagnosed with a chromosomal abnormality known as Trisomy 15, which means that when his chromosomes were being formed and coded, he got an extra #15. This genetic combination is incompatible with life and so I have learned that babies with this particular extra chromosome do not make it to term.
While our sense of loss is not lessened by this news, we are grateful to know medically what happened with our baby, and we truly feel God is merciful to both allow us to know this much, and to take this little baby who could not have lived here on earth, to heaven sooner rather than later.
So, in the midst of our tears we have hope: while we grieve the loss of this tiny young life, we also gratefully rest in the knowledge that our little boy is safe in heaven, in the arms of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. While I so wish we had gotten the opportunity to hold him here in our arms, I am thankful he is with God. And I look forward to seeing his sweet face and hugging him someday.
